Wacky Smiler

The other day I heard someone say (I didn't overhear - they said it to me thankyouverymuch) that they didn't think that person was going to be a very nice person because they had never really seen that person smile. But then they were introduced and they were left pleasantly surprised at what a lovely human this person turned out to be.

And as I listened I thought, "welllll, crap."

Because this.

This is me.

I have an excellent "not necessarily excited about your existence" face.

(There's a term for this now. They call it a Resting B.... Face...)

And mine is powerfully part of my person.

This is not easy, for two reasons; 1) I love to laugh. Seriously, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman where Richard Gere startles her by suddenly closing the jewelry box - that's me. My laugh is loud and comes out easily. The unfortunate side is I hate my smile and laughing and smiling kind of go hand-in-hand. Which leads me to reason 2) I hate my smile.

Hate it horribly. I hate my teeth. I dislike how my face looks when I smile. Ever since I have worked to become/maintain a certain body fat percentage - it makes my face look ickish when I smile.

So I don't.

Unless someone makes me laugh. ...In which case - I can't help it.

But just sitting somewhere - will you find me smiling? No.

Some people look adorable with a perma-smile on their face. Friendly with sparkly eyes and maybe a dimple that shows (I truly wanted dimples so badly when I was younger!) but me, I look like the village idiot if I sit somewhere smiling.

People start to wonder and get frightened. I'm sure I look like the cat that ate the canary and everyone starts to give me a wide berth thinking they might be next.

Its exhausting trying to maintain a just-so, happy-to-be-here but not-in-a-weird-way expression on my face.

Literally, exhausting.

So, I just use the ol' stand by.

And I guess if (and by if here I mean, since) that gives others a reason to think I'm scary/unpleasant/mean/rude without ever talking to me - then I'd like to point out that while you're pre-judging my personality by my facial expression - that makes you... a smiling, judgmental jackass.

So there.