The Old BS Meter


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One great thing about living life in your 40's is that your BS meter is fine. tuned.

I mean honed in like a laser beam.


Everyone, I believe, is born with a BS meter.

As children, we are fed lots of BS, but our meter is set to AUTOTUNE - and therefore we have a tendency to believe a lot of what we are told.

Santa Claus is coming.

If you don't eat your carrots, you'll need glasses.

Rachel's dad is actually a robot.

This is all fed to us, and for many of us, goes through our BS meter without making a solitary BEEP.


Then we get a little older and it becomes a little more "personalized setting."

That's why young people Google the shit out of everything, because it doesn't immediately make their BS meter go off. They get, perhaps, a warning vibration. Bzzzz - that seems fishy....

Hey Siri, who invented the Nintendo?

Seeeee - it was not your great, great, Grandpa!


You're getting there....


A BS meter in your 40's is set and ready to fire.

It is akin to having nose-blind v. pregnancy nose.


For those of you who have never experienced this phenomenon - allow me a verbal demonstration;


You know that experience of walking into someone's home, perhaps even someone close to you, friend, relative, neighbor and the strange smell of their home hits you like a strong wind. And you think to yourself, don't gag, don't gag, don't gag, omg who even are these people?!

But then nose-blind kicks in and after a few deep breaths of the new smell, you suddenly smell it a less and less ferociously each time until blissfully you can meander and eat and drink like there was nothing strange about it.

That is your BS meter in your 20's and 30's. It's there. It's helping. But there's a backup system that makes you think you should tolerate it.


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V. Pregnancy nose;

Me - walking into a house, taking one whiff and then dry heaving onto the WELCOME mat. Between gags, I yell out, "OHMYFRICKINGWORD WHO THE HELL MADE TURKEY?!"

My family - stands and blinks going - um, it's Thanksgiving, it's kind of what people do. *blink, *blink.

Me - well this kid and me will be in the basement celebrating with french fries and chocolate malts. Mazeltof.

That, is much more like your BS meter in your 40's. I sense it. I'm now aware of it and I don't want any part of it.


God. bless. it.

No sarcasm there. I'm being 100% real. Thank you, good and gracious Lord, for helping us get a hold of that sensor and fine tuning that thing like a sniper rifle.


I don't know about the rest of you but fake people make me want to gag like a pregnant woman on Thanksgiving.

Ew.

Gross.

Get real. You are not who you are pretending to be. You are the product of some internet version of who you think you should be and it's raunchy.


This, friends, is why when you see someone in their 40's (and beyond) leaving a place abruptly, you should question those around you.

Likely, the person left because their BS meter was sounding so loudly they needed to leave to get the thing shut down. And if their BS meter was blaring - who among the crowd is acting like a total Insta-fraud??


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Warning - if you can't locate the offensive party - it could, in fact, be you.


Get real, people.

We "old people" can sense your bullshit from miles away.