The Curse of Cursing

How do some people get through the day without swearing? Asking for a friend. No, that's a gigantic, crappy lie. I'm asking for me.

Cuz... I have an issue. About the swearing. Of the words. That exit my mouth.

Seriously. Some people go a whole day without cursing...

Who are these people? What kind of gentle, amiable, calm lives do they lead? Are they independently wealthy and it's just them and their money and some cats and like, zero stress??

That's funny. Cats and zero stress.

The cats alone would make me swear. They come flying out of nowhere, zipping across the room, startling the crap out of people.

I'd swear even worse if I had cats.

I can barely get through a blog post without swearing. Just talking about cats up there, I had to delete three words.

Its my passionate nature. Its my emphasis on how blasted angry or annoyed I am at any moment.

I tried giving up swearing for a while. You can only imagine how stupid someone looks and sounds when they stub their toe carrying a basket of laundry and proceeding to drop the basket while yelling, "MOTHER MARY MARTHA WASHINGTON'S CAT AND BETSY ROSS TOO!!" at the top of their lungs.

Raging lunatic. At least when I swear the words make sense to people. I mean they might be offended or slightly awed at how many curses I can string together but they get what's happening.

When I was non-swearing it just sounded like verbal nonsense bursting out of my mouth. Like my tongue was possessed by someone with limited knowledge of the English language so I would just holler out all of the English words I knew in one loud, long sentence.

Non-swearers, I'm sorry if at any point I offend you for my colorful language. I wish I could stick to regular adjectives and adverbs like the good people of the world but I am over-sized, over-zealous and just over-the-top about a lot of things.

Including my speech.

And my volume.

And sometimes the way I dress.

Gaining friends by the minute over here, that's me...