Snacking Connoisseur

I, my dear friends, am a bit of a snacking connoisseur. I professional snacker, if you will.

No, no, do not think to align yourself with me just because you are the type of person who "eats six small meals a day instead of three" - that's just you rearranging your daily rationing. That is not the same.

I am an expert at feeding myself small, (yet sometimes calorie-significant) amounts of food even at the strangest of times (say, 10 minutes after eating a large meal.) Fullness is a feeling reserved for holidays and the occasional post-meal at a really good restaurant. Fullness is not something I enjoy or strive to be. In truth, I kind of hate the feeling.

Some people enjoy the feeling of post-meal fullness. They pat their stomach with a satisfied smile and send their compliments to the cook. I, personally, am never going to be good with stomach patting. I'm more of a tuck-it-into-my-leggings and spend-three-minutes-in-the-bathroom-stretching-out-the-shirt-to-hide-the food-baby-bump kind of person.

Me: **comes out of bathroom

Person: You were in there a long time, are you okay - and why is your shirt so big?

Me: Yeah, fine - I just went and quick changed into this tent. I'm good. Its all good. Hey, do you have anything to snack on?

Person: We just ate.

Me: Yeah, I know.... So, do you?

This is hopeless to try and change. It will never work. You can leave comments about how terrible I am, (I will likely read them with a handful of peanut M&M's in my mouth.) you can email me and tell me what I'm doing to my body and health with this snackity habit of mine, (I will happily respond to all emails, after a quick trip to the pantry to grab those pistachios I bought yesterday.) you can even stop me and tell me in person how this is not a way to be and do I realize what I'm teaching my children and I will happily suggest we talk about this. Over coffee... and a scone.

"Kids, mom's going to meet with someone quick, you guys be good and watch the dog, okay?"

"Okay - can we have a snack?"

"Sure - just don't eat too much. We're having dinner in 20 minutes."