Setting Up House Rules

This may send some of you into a praying tailspin with my rampant use of curse words, but I'm going to get really real... You've been warned, maybe get out the Rosary beads now.


Amid this season of social distancing, I'd like to ask all the parents of the "adult" (I'm using that word as loosely as humanly possible) to stop being a bunch of damn pansies.


Unless you've raised an ab-so-lute fricking (hey look at me go, I didn't use the full curse!) OGRE who's possibly going to strike you for telling them, "no" or laying down some house rules - then I emphatically suggest you put on your big girl panties and start to do so.


Let me break this down for you very simply, because some of us are having all kinds of trouble coloring in the gray areas. This isn't 50 shades, kid - it's your house, it's your rules. This is the way adulting works.

Meaning - if your "adult" (read: college age) kid is now begrudgingly (both on your part and theirs) living back at home with you due to being banned from campus living then they are back in your home and therefore - have to follow those same rules as the other kids in your home.


No other kids in your home?

No biggie. Make up some shit.

Like I said before - it's. your. house.

You can.


I'm ten kinds of over being the asshole parent who tells my kid, "um, social distancing means you, too" when the rest of you are still ignoring all the suggestions, the cancellations and THE PARENTING and allowing your kids (and mind you, that is what they are) to continue their frat-brat lifestyle.


Grow. A. Pair.


Do you really want to be the jackwagon whose kid spreads this around all because you didn't have the balls to tell them to KEEP YOUR ASS HOME ALREADY!

I know. Its painful. I don't like mine anymore than you probably like yours. They're used to living in a society that is practically rule free and one that they think they own. So stepping into a world of "help out a little," and "get your ass out of bed, it's noon for cripes sake," is culture shock for them. And therefore, causes them to act even more jackass than you remember.


And now, you don't have the option of sending them to Grandma's since Gma is over 60 and that's NOT a good idea - so it's just you, left to deal with them and all their delightfulness (read: crabiness.)


But may I remind you - you've got this. You've been dealing with their shitty little asses since - well since you started dealing with their literal crap-covered asses. They've sassed you, maybe peed on you, broke things, had tantrums, broken rules and had mothers of all meltdowns in the middle of grocery store aisles and YOU SURVIVED ALL OF IT.


You're a rockstar.

You can handle a few more months of "my way or the highway, Buster."


I beg of you, you survived the terrible twos, the horrendous threes, the problematic pre-teen years, and teenage hell - but we all want to survive what comes next.

And not all of us will - if you can't start keeping your kid at home.

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