Girls, do you know the kind of pain that happens when you do something you didn't realize would bring you pain?
I'm talking stubbing-your-toe-shooting-pain that causes you to say the F-word in every dialect you've ever heard. (What, some of you stub your toe without saying an F-word?? Try walking faster. Like as fast as you can. I don't think you've reached my level of pain if you didn't let out at least one.)
This kind of pain is the kind that if someone told us we were going to experience it, we would avoid at all costs, right? Can you imagine a doctor saying, listen, this will only take a moment and the pain will register on the Richter scale, but you'll be good as new when it's over. No one would go, right? Who would sign up for that?
It's not just toe-stubbing - I've done stupid things that have been the cause of some pretty spectacular pain - and some of them willingly!
Take tooth whitening, for instance.
Anyone else do this at home?
I love coffee. And wine. And noodles with red sauce. And my teeth show my fetish for all of these things. So I have also fallen in love with finding new ways to whiten my teeth.
I've tried many. Some give good results. All of them have one thing in common, they tend to feel like they will BURN THE EVER-LOVING SKIN RIGHT OFF YOUR GUMS. White-hot pain, that, if any dentist would suggest I tolerate, I would suggest he sick a novocaine needle IN HIS EYEBALL! But, there I am, stupidly walking around my house with a tray of, what feels like acid, sitting on my teeth just so I can not look like someone whose been smoking for 35 years.
Ladies, why? Why do we do these stupid things to ourselves?
Maybe you're scratching your head here thinking, Jess, I don't do these things - why do you? You're clearly crazy.
I've said that already, thank you.
But....I know a woman who's cried through getting a tattoo but she wanted one, so she tolerated the pain through completion.
I know women who literally cram their misshapen feet into stunningly-sexy high heels just to complete the outfit - only to have to wear 80-year-old orthotic-looking tennis shoes for the next seven days. But for that one night - their feet (and their legs and their outfit looked fan-flipping-tastic.)
Tweezing. Plucking. Waxing. Popping. Squeezing.
All the things that we do. Just to look good. Or better. Or our best.
Are we psychotic?
Maybe, but maybe we're also a lot tougher than we think. Next time some dude wants to challenge you to an arm-wrestling contest, take him on. And then challenge him to an inner-thigh-waxing contest.
First one to scream loses...
And girlfriend, I bet it won't be you.