Resident Doctor of Hypochondria



Does anyone else play this game? This sick, weird game of some part of my body feels a wee bit off so therefore I should run through the list of all the possible things it could be.


I come from a long line of hypochondriacs so I'm genetically gifted at this game.

Sadly, of all the games, "natural-born winner" in this particular area is not the one I would have chosen, if given the option.

Genetic lotto, right here.


And. AND, (because it always has the opportunity to get better, doesn't it?) I've even managed to pass this precious gift on to, not one but two of, my children. Long live the defect!


The best (and I mean absolute B-E-S-T) time to be a challenger in this game is when even the internet can't find a disease or ailment or possibility for what ails you.


Me: (typing in the search box) dull, throbbing pain in right tricep


Internet: Sorry, nothing could be found regarding dull, throbbing pain in right tricep


Me: ohmygosh. ohmygosh. oh. my. gosh. I'm seriously the only one?!? No one else has ever had this pain? How bad is it? How weird am I? No one is ever going to figure out how to help me. How is a doctor going to run tests on me when even the internet can't help me?! I'M AN ENIGMA!!


***Three hours later***

Huh. That's weird, That pain in my tricep went away...


Moral of this tale - if they gave out a doctorate for spending an inordinate amount of time on WebMD - I would be Dr. Mama Jess -Certified Doctor of Hypochondria.


They don't. Instead they give out meds and tell you to limit your stress. Which usually causes me to catalog all the things that cause me stress and then stresses me out over how many there are.

Its a vicious cycle.

Of weirdness.


And if you've ever been there, been a part of the cycle, been a player in this game or have experienced panic brought on by symptoms no one could identify - welcome.

You're not alone.

Come, pull up a chair. Let's Google what's going on with the achy spot on my left lower jaw. Maybe we'll both learn something new.

Or maybe we'll get to talking about something else and I'll forget all about my jaw pain.

It could go either way.

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