Not on, Not for, Not okay

If you haven't seen the great state of South Dakota's latest Meth awareness campaign.... oh what am I saying? Of course you've seen it. Everyone's seen it. The national news and nighttime television are having a field day with it.

So yes, you've probably seen it.

Here's my issue with this monstrous atrocity: I am, actually, from this state. I am, however, not "on it."

Not now. Not in the past. And no intentions to be on it in the foreseeable future. So I can't tell you how excited I am to execute my upcoming OUT-OF-STATE travel plans. You know, the kind where people ask you, "So where are you folks from?" and "We can tell you're not from around here because you're the only ones swimming in the outdoor pool - so where are you from anyway?"

Can't. Wait. To. Answer. That.

Thank you, dear doorknobs who thought of this brilliant message. Thank you for making something as simple as MY ANSWER to that question turn into a joke.

Old travel conversation:

Person on airplane: So where are you from?

Me: South Dakota.

Person on airplane: Oh, where's that at?

Forecasted travel conversation:

Person on airplane: So where are you from?

Me: South Dakota.

Person on airplane: The place where everyone's on Meth? Really? What's it like up there? Is everyone really on Meth? Even kids on football teams?

Conversation where I hope to ward off stupid comments:

Person on airplane: So where are you from?

Me: (pointing to very blond, giant size husband and very blond, giant size son,) Canada.

Hey, I get it. We win some, we lose some. Sometimes I come up with great ideas. Sometimes my husband comes up with ideas so terrible the whole family winds up angry. We can't all win at every turn.

But what we CAN do is own up to our oopsies. Sometimes we let out four-letter words, sometimes we take to our social media feeds and apologize mass-style, sometimes we choke on the slice of crow that we're desperately trying to chew and make work but regardless - the outcome ends with us ponying up and saying, "Whoops-a-daisy, that wasn't my finest moment. If we could all just erase, erase and pretend that didn't happen I'd gratefully appreciate it."

And then we move on and try to do better. Or we realize we suck and this particular thing is not our calling and we delegate it to someone else. Someone less sucky.

What we should never do is sugar coat it. Sweep the mountain of dirt we are creating under the rug and just pretend it's all good-in-the-hood. It's not. People are not okay with this. Dollars are being spent and we are shrugging and going "meh" give it time, it'll blow over. AND THAT IS NOT OKAY!

Governor Noem isn't reading this, I realize. She's off somewhere posing for the annual Noem family Christmas card and meanwhile two pastures over the actual Meth-makers are laughing their tails off because they just got a free pass. They can now openly and honestly tell people they're on Meth! Christmas came early for these jokers! They can just state it like it is and fit right in since apparently we're all supposed to be walking around saying, "We're on it."

So happy to have been nationally pinned as synthetic drug user. Also happy to know anyone who is actually a Meth user can no longer be taken seriously if they decide to fess up to someone and tell them what they've been doing.

You want to turn yourself in to the police for doing Meth? Ready to quit and finally turn your life around? You better come with proof, kid because just saying you're "on it" isn't going to get anything but an ill-timed laugh.

For the record, I'm not "on it" nor am I for it nor am I okay with it.

And quite frankly, you shouldn't be either.