Loud Scrubber

Prior to Christmas, the dental tech cleaning my teeth, once again, politely suggested that my continued scrubbing of my teeth was going to potentially erode my gums away to nothing.


She suggested (not the first time) that perhaps I should look into getting an electric toothbrush because the newer, pulsating models were almost guaranteed to prevent scrubbing-style antics.




So, I did what any mature, adult does and purchased the sucker and then gave it to myself from Santa.

"Oh joy. Look, the toothbrush the dentist suggested I get. Lucky me, I must have been good this year... "(pausing to find my eyeballs which have rolled into my head.)


Okay, I'm good.


So, I unearthed my new gadget from its tomb of plastic and cardboard and plugged it in to await its first use.

Only, here's the thing. I'm a bit of a clean freak. (Did we discuss this already?) And my teeth are no exception. I like the feeling of freshly brushed teeth. Brushing my teeth is the second thing I do in the morning. No exemptions apply. Days do not start until my teeth are clean. So I was (despite all the earlier eye rolling) weirdly excited to try this... buuuuuut, well, this thing is loud. In my head, its like driving by a construction site when the jackhammer is on. Outside my head (I know, because my husband got one too) its like a the annoying neighbor with the over-sized truck and giganto muffler driving by. For two straight minutes.

Annoying, right?


Also, what if I want to sneak out some day? What if I can't take all the madness around here and decide to run away from home? Because if I turn the power button on, my husband, at a minimum is going to wake up. Probably the dog as well. Should I just leave without brushing? Jeez, what else am I supposed to leave behind? My dignity?


The last part (rant) of this is that the dental tech just swore this thing would prevent me from "scrubbing" (her word, not mine.) "Just set it on your tooth and let the pulsing to do the work," she said.


No siree, no can do. I'm a scrubber. I feel ridiculously useless just sitting there holding a contraption on my teeth. What kind of a lazy turd-head just holds their toothbrush and doesn't actually move their hand (or in my case, whole arm) to really get that plaque and odor off their teeth?

Not this girl, that's who.


So, overall - I am not in love.

At least not with this new gizmo of mine.

I'm not in love. I'm still a scrubber and now I'm a loud scrubber to boot.


In the land of hits and misses - I might "accidentally" hit this thing with my straightening iron and then not miss it all when it breaks and I can go back to my trusty ol' Oral B that sits in the cup and waits for scrubbing time.

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