Harboring Fugitives

I don't do scales.



These are useless numbers. You may as well tell me the barometric pressure.

If you want helpful numbers, get your blood pressure checked. Cholesterol, is another helpful number. Take your pulse...figure out your resting heart rate - also very helpful.

Weight. Pssshh - no.

You want to know if you're losing weight? Do your clothes fit the same? Then no, sorry. I don't care what the scale said. Go drink some water. Scales are witches. Water makes them do strange things.

You want to know if you've suddenly packed on a few pounds? Do your clothes feel tight? Like, the same clothes you wore just last week or a couple of weeks ago?

Don't step on the scale. Don't ask someone. What are they supposed to say? "Uh, yeah, I didn't want to mention it but it does look like you've gained a bit."

You know what happens then?

Classic game of Shoot the Messenger. You now can't tolerate that person. You can barely be in the same room with them. All because you asked them a loaded question.

Shame on you.

So obviously, after all that, you can probably gather that I don't actually know what I weigh. Unless I have a doctor appointment and I fail to avert my eyes when the glaring three digit number pops up on the screen DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF MY RETINAS. Well played, nurse... well played.

Now the point of this uber rant (yes, the point Jess, we beg of you - get to it,) if you hit this special time of year and feel as though lately you've been harboring a few fugitives, you're not alone.

Oh, and those fugitives are disguised as extra jiggly spots. On your body. Frickin undercover fat cells, that's what they are.

Regardless of their ninja status or their glaring, out-in-plain-sight (as in - you can't zip that side zipper on your skirt) I beg you - fear not.

The holiday season can be amazing and sparkly and bring contagious amounts of joy - but it doesn't last very long.

Which can be both sad (for obvious reasons. Boooo. January, ugh) and yet kind of good, because then we do that thing where we get back on track. We don't have spreads of cheeses and pretty cookies offered to us everywhere we go.

We go back to grocery shopping and cooking meals and trying to make the best of ....ugh, January.

And in the course of all that, those few fugitives you may have picked up in November and December - they'll get bored and go somewhere else (hopefully the Netherlands, or Spain.)

Really. They will.

So, the long and the well, long of it is - don't be that person. Don't be the person who won't try the cookie. Don't be the person who asks everyone who does try the cookie, "do you know how much sugar is in that thing?" Don't destroy everyone else's holiday joy by being so obsessed with your newfound jiggly spots that you spread doom and gloom.

It'll be okay, Eeyore.

Find a different skirt to wear. Add some sparkly jewelry and have a good time.

The holiday season is short. Make the most of it while you can.

Celebrate the season, my friends.