Things No One Tells You About Getting a Puppy

Updated: Aug 28, 2018

Congrats. You've decided to adopt. I'm sure your new furry family member will make an awesome addition to your brood. But just in case it's not all sunshine and roses the first couple of weeks - I thought it might be helpful if I addressed the Things That No One Tells You About Getting a Puppy.

1. Dead animals are more of a threat than live ones.

I don't care if you live next to a coyote den or under an eagle's nest. If you're even moderately diligent you can prevent your new pup from being taken by predators. What you may not be able to do, however, is stop the horrifying stench of a puppy that's recently rolled in dead carcass. Do not look away from your dog for a millisecond when on a walk. If there's a dead thing, they are bathing in it, chewing on it, carrying it like a souvenir and sometimes eating it. Dead things will wreck your walk. Take note.

2. If you didn't care about littering before - welcome to the Litter-Haters Club!

Pizza crust, candy wrappers or God-forbid, dirty diapers - all of these things your puppy will proudly pick up and decipher their worth with his/her mouth. Oh, I know, you didn't put it there, you shouldn't have to pick it up but guess what? Your puppy doesn't know that rule. They love litter. The smellier the better.

And that poo-filled diaper that someone left on the shoulder of the road, guess who's going to have to touch it when they're wrestling it out of their pup's mouth?

Happy poop-touching. That's you, man.

3. Butterflies used to be pretty.

Now they're like a brightly colored enemy that flutters by your puppy's nose which your puppy sees as some little being waving a colored flag in front of it's face saying, "catch me, catch me if you can little pup."

Grasshoppers, the colored fall leaves and tufts of cotton all pose similar threats. As your puppy gets larger these once seemingly harmless things can cause complete disorder. If you're lucky you will just wind up with the leash wrapped tightly around your legs. Perhaps you'll remain upright (you lucky bastards) or just lose circulation momentarily. If you're less than fortunate (or own a very large breed of dog) you could be looking at complete shoulder dislocation. I recommend watching the putting-your-shoulder-back-into-place scene in Lethal Weapon repeatedly until you have it memorized. It may save your life if you come across migrating Monarchs.