Covid Management Rules

I had to get tough with the hoodlums.

As a self-proclaimed professional snacker - I rarely enforce "no access" rules to the pantry, fridge and cupboards. After all, am I supposed to be one of those do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do kind of parents?

No. That's not my jam.

My jam is in the fridge (literally and figuratively) which is why you'll find me in there so often.

Anyway, I passed on my snacking genes with a gusto. My kids are also wildly uncontainable day-long grazers. Like sheep in the pasture, that's us.

But this social distancing business has caused a bit of an issue for us snacky-types. An issue that comes in the form of have ZERO snacks to snack on approximately 1.6 days after buying groceries.

Essentially, we were eating ourselves out of house and home and I mean that literally.

So, I decided to get tough.

With them.

(And me.)

"Enough is enough!" I said. We shall no longer live in a kitchen with no rules, we will have rules and they will be enforced. So I called the snack police but they were unavailable and said they'd put me on the waiting list. My wait number is 7,244,308.

Apparently my house is not the only one dealing with this current issue.

I thought that might be a while, so I sat down at the computer and printed up my own gol darn rules and posted them right on the fridge in black and white for all to see. And in case you or someone you know is on the waiting list either behind me or just slightly ahead of me in the five-millions - I thought I would share my list so you could use during your wait time.

Feel free to tweak to your household's needs as you see fit. You are, after all, the head rule maker there.

Here we go, Covid-Kitchen Rules:

1) Breakfast needs to be eaten and cleaned up by 8:30. That's 8:30am you jackwagons, so set your alarms accordingly. If you meander into the kitchen at 8:24am - you'll have time for a banana and a granola bar - so eat fast.

2) Wash the counter after you eat. Anything - not just a meal... a snack, a smoothie - any of it. Wash. The. Dang. Counter.

3) Kitchen is closed for snacking between 8:30am and 10:00am. At 10:01am you may resume foraging like squirrels but for that 1.5 hours, you'll have to do this thing some people call "surviving with only water."

4) Meals and menu planning - coming up with meals to make is difficult. If you have suggestions for meals we haven't had in a while, please share them with the head chef (mom. Also known as head rule maker and the only person who knows how to empty the dishwasher.)

5) Complaints may be filed in the garbage. Right next to the used coffee grounds and the stuff that came out of the dust pan. That's where they will go anyway, so please save us all a step and take them there initially.

6) Our broom handle is not made of sharp, dual-sided blade. It will not hurt you to use it so please, occasionally do so. Give it a try, see what you find.

7) Our stools (those are the things you sit on) are not made of the same material as a diner. Please refrain from using them as a napkin - we have actual napkins located in the second drawer from the fridge. (Surprise!)

8) If you find something broken - all repair needs may be filed with the repairman (dad) and they will get done in the order they are received. Or possibly not at all - it could go either way.

9) Kitchen closes at 10pm. No foraging, rummaging or midnight snacks allowed beyond this point. If you find yourself awake and hungry during this time - my suggestion would be to GO TO BED and sleep your "hunger" away.

Thank you for your understanding of these rules.

Sincerely - the Kitchen Staff (also known as mom, or you might better know her as the person you yell for help when you have even the slightest difficulty with your homework.)